Sunday, February 6, 2022

2021-22 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 4 - Super Bowl)

And now, only two remain, and neither of them have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, or Patrick Mahomes. This is the battle of the new blood. The final showdown. The grand finale. The duel of the fates.

The Super Bowl.

It will be an epic duel for the ages, but first, let us look back and see who fell on our way to the Super Bowl.

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Las Vegas Raiders

LOST Wild Card vs Bengals, 19-26

You know what you did. You defied the meme lords. In a season defined by chaos, you denied us all the ultimate chaos of a tie game to hilariously knock out the Steelers from a playoff spot. But no, you just had to kick the field goal to avoid facing the Chiefs. And what did you get for it? One and done, handing the Bengals their first playoff win in more than three decades. The Bengals drought ends, and the Raiders drought intensifies. Not a single playoff win since they went to the Super Bowl two decades ago.

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New England Patriots

LOST Wild Card vs Bills, 17-47.

Ouch.

The glory days of the Patriots are a distant memory. Never has an NFL team been so spectacularly demolished. The Bills played the most perfect playoff game in memory, scoring touchdowns on every drive, and the Patriots had no answer. The evil empire in Foxborough has fallen. For now.

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Philadelphia Eagles

LOST Wild Card vs Buccaneers, 15-31.

Tom Brady never forgot what happened in Super Bowl LII, and made the Eagles pay for it. The Eagles suffered a disastrous start to the season but a ferocious comeback effort heading into the end of the season gained them a playoff spot and a date with the league’s all-time greatest quarterback. Nick Foles wasn’t here to save the day. This story was never going to end well for the Eagles.

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Dallas Cowboys

LOST Wild Card vs 49ers, 17-23.

Every time the Cowboys flirt with success, success grants them a wonderful gift called failure. But this failure was possibly the most absurd ending to any NFL playoff game. It was a rough start for the Cowboys, as the 49ers took a large lead and threatened to damn Dallas to yet another sad ending. But the 49ers buckled and handed the Cowboys a prime opportunity. An opportunity for Dak Prescott to lead the Cowboys to a last-second win. They had an opportunity, and then they forgot how clocks work.

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Pittsburgh Steelers

LOST Wild Card vs Chiefs, 21-42.

TONIGHT, ON DAYS OF OUR STEELERS

IN HIS FINAL GAME, BIG BEN LEADS HIS TEAM STRAIGHT INTO A BUZZSAW

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Arizona Cardinals

LOST Wild Card vs Rams, 11-34.

One word summarizes the Cardinals season: Disappointment. It all began with a roaring 7-0 start, and it all ended with a one and done implosion. All that hype for no reward. It really all began to fall apart with that spectacular interception against the Packers in Week 8, didn’t it?

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Tennessee Titans

LOST Divisional vs Bengals, 16-19.

The sad thing is that the Titans really could have made this season their year. Even when things went wrong, the Titans endured. When King Henry fell, the Titans endured. But once the team entered the playoffs with the #1 seed, it all collapsed. Ryan Tannehill’s three interceptions will haunt the Titans for years to come. Those three interceptions undid all the good the ironclad Titans defense unleashed against the Bengals, sacking Joe Burrow nine times. And it was all for nothing. One and done.

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Green Bay Packers

LOST Divisional vs 49ers, 10-13.

Behold, the worst nightmare of Aaron Rodgers: The San Francisco 49ers. Every time Rodgers has faced the 49ers in the playoffs, the result is always the same. And it wasn’t even the NFC Championship, either. One way or another, the Packers always go down in flames against the 49ers. This team, it was the special teams that sealed Green Bay’s fate. One disastrous punt ushered in the inevitability of defeat and more, for the Packers face a massive salary cap crunch, endless free agents, and the likely loss of Aaron Rodgers. A dark cloud is falling over Lambeau.

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Tampa Bay Buccaneers

WON Wild Card vs Eagles, 31-15.

LOST Divisional vs Rams, 30-27.

Even Tom Brady’s dark magic can’t always save the day. What might have been the sequel to 28-3 was halted by Matthew Stafford’s last-minute heroics and the abrupt and rapid collapse of Tampa’s defense. Brady nearly bailed out the Bucs, but the team’s defense folded at the worst possible moment. And so, Tom Brady walks off into the sunset, the greatest of all time forever a part of NFL legend.

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Buffalo Bills

WON Wild Card vs Patriots, 47-17.

LOST Divisional vs Chiefs, 36-42 (OT).

It was a great tragedy that someone had to lose an epic Divisional game like this, but the Bills just couldn’t quite get it done. Josh Allen did everything asked of him, but the Bills defense just couldn’t stop Patrick Mahomes, especially in the most crucial moments. Mahomes drove down the field with just thirteen seconds on the clock and helped tie the game and force overtime. Any mistake in a game like comes with a steep cost. And for the Bills, that cost is another lost year.

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Kansas City Chiefs

WON Wild Card vs Steelers, 42-21.

WON Divisional vs Bills, 42-36 (OT).

LOST Championship vs Bengals, 24-27 (OT).

If you remember anything about the playoffs this year, remember that the Chiefs played two and a half games in spectacular fashion. The other half of a game was a comedy of errors that gave us the true sequel to 28-3. It was 21-3, and the Chiefs blew it all away. After halftime, the Chiefs entered a time portal and reverted into early season form. The Bengals sacked Mahomes four times while the Chiefs sacked Burrow only once – a far cry from the nine sacks a week earlier versus the Titans. Mahomes also reverted to early season form and threw one costly interception in the third quarter and another cataclysmic interception in overtime that directly led to the Bengals victory. The Arrowhead curse, long thought dead, sends its regards.

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San Francisco 49ers

WON Wild Card vs Cowboys, 23-17.

WON Divisional vs Packers, 13-10.

LOST Championship vs Rams, 17-20.

Stop if you’ve heard this one before: Kyle Shanahan’s team has a double-digit lead in the fourth quarter, only to choke it all away in spectacular fashion. It almost happened against the Cowboys, and it happened for real against the Rams. How utterly predictable.

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All right, now, the final battle. Super Bowl LVI. The match-up in Los Angeles is set:

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Los Angeles Rams

Behold, a Super Bowl without Tom Brady or Patrick Mahomes. This Super Bowl will be the final duel between Joe Burrow and Matthew Stafford, and one of these two quarterbacks will walk away with his first Lombardi Trophy.

How the Bengals reached the Super Bowl

Stop for a moment and realize the Bengals were in the basement two years ago. 2-14. The Bengals have risen from the depths of despair to being just one win away from winning it all for the first time.

The Bengals finished the season 10-7. Not the most impressive record, but solid. Far more impressive was their playoff road to the Super Bowl. First, they narrowly defeated the Raiders, and in the process secured their first playoff win since the 1988 season. Correct, the last time the Bengals won a playoff game, the Soviet Union still existed, Ronald Reagan was still President of the United States, and Die Hard was released in theaters less than a year earlier. It has indeed been a while.

After neutralizing the Raiders, the Bengals stunned the #1 seed Titans and then stunned the entire league by reviving the Arrowhead curse and defeating the Chiefs in an insane comeback win. In overtime, too. And so, the Bengals, once basement dwellers, are playing for their first Super Bowl since the days of Joe Montana.

How the Bengals can win the Super Bowl

Joe Burrow needs to play the best game of his life if he wants that coveted first Super Bowl win. Against a ferocious Rams team, the Bengals have zero room for error. The Bengals O-line held strong against the Chiefs, and that O-line, not the one against the Titans, will give Burrow the fighting chance. The road to victory lies in the air attack. The Bengals clearly have momentum from the second half of the AFC Championship game, and now they need to apply that momentum for the entire sixty minutes of the Super Bowl.

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How the Rams reached the Super Bowl

The Rams have more Super Bowl experience, but they would like to erase the memories of Super Bowl LIII for good. Assuming it hasn’t already faded from memory already, given its excellent use as an insomnia cure.

The Rams made huge moves in the offseason, mortgaging their future for a chance at a Super Bowl in the present. They brought in Matthew Stafford out of Detroit and with him at the helm finished the season 12-5 and won the NFC West thanks to the implosion of the Arizona Cardinals. The Rams began the playoffs by first helping the Cardinals complete their implosion. Next, the Rams brought Tom Brady’s career to an end, but only thanks to Stafford’s late heroics. Finally, the Rams defeated the 49ers in front of a sea of 49ers fans in Los Angeles. These three wins were Stafford’s first three playoff wins as well. The Rams are now one win away from that coveted trophy, one win from repeating what the Buccaneers did last season: win the Super Bowl on home field.

How the Rams can win the Super Bowl

First, don’t play like you did in Super Bowl LIII.

Next, protect Stafford at all costs. Stafford has an arsenal of weapons – Kupp, OBJ – and an overwhelming defense to back everything up. Overall, the Rams have excellent balance and should be able to meet any threat the Bengals pose. Keyword being “should”. The most alarming moment was the near implosion towards the end of the Divisional game. If that blunder doesn’t happen again, the Rams shouldn’t have any serious issues. Let the air attack do its thing and all shall fall into place.

FINAL PREDICTION

This Super Bowl may be one of the most watched in a long time. Expect an epic duel between two quarterbacks, with the reward being that coveted Lombardi Trophy. The Rams may be the favorites, but chaos has reigned these playoffs. 

Chaos will not take a break for the Super Bowl. And the Bengals will be grateful.

Bengals win, 31-28