2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 4 - Super Bowl)

Finally, only two remain on the battlefield. This is it. The final battle. The grand finale. The duel of the fates.

The Super Bowl.

It will be a thrilling battle for the ages, but first, let us look back at those who fell on the battlefield, those who fell in their quest for the Lombardi Trophy.

---

Seattle Seahawks

LOST Wild Card vs. 49ers, 23-41

No one expected the Seahawks to be here. After Russell Wilson was traded away to bring undercooked food to Denver, pundit predictions regularly placed the Seahawks near the bottom of the league. The captains of Tank Bowl?

Well, in the immortal words of Geno Smith: "They wrote me off, I ain't write back though".

Courtesy of the Wilson trade, the Seahawks have a high draft pick and a hopeful future. This Wild Card loss was not ideal, but still exceeded their season's minimal expectations.

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Los Angeles Chargers

LOST Wild Card vs. Jaguars, 30-31

The Atlanta Falcons have never heard the end of 28-3, and now the Chargers will never hear the end of 27-0. You had the Jaguars on the ropes, made Trevor Lawrence look like a disaster, and what did you do with your commanding lead? Squander it all away in the most Chargers way possible and watch your playoff hopes sink into a Florida swamp.

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Miami Dolphins

LOST Wild Card vs. Bills, 31-34

This was supposed to be a bloodbath at the Dolphins expense, but the Dolphins refused to go out without a fight. Still, even with Josh Allen's mistakes, the Dolphins couldn't quite finish the job. Quarterback injuries and never-ending concussions to Tua Tagovailoa saw to that. The Dolphins need stability at the quarterback position if they hope to make a deep playoff run next season.

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Minnesota Vikings

LOST Wild Card vs. Giants, 24-31

Worst thirteen win team in the history of the NFL. How do you get thirteen wins and finish with a negative point differential? Win narrowly or get completely blown out. Such was the story for the Vikings this season, and it came back to torment them in this game. The Giants emerged as a fierce opponent and would accept no talk of another Minneapolis Miracle. But no, the worst part of this season for the Vikings was the end of it. Need eight yards to stay alive? No problem, Kirk Cousins will throw a short slant pass...for three yards. Minneapolis Miracle? Minneapolis Mushroom Cloud, more like.

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Baltimore Ravens

LOST Wild Card vs. Bengals, 17-24

Is this why the Seahawks didn't run it on the goal line in XLIX? The Ravens did it this year and promptly fumbled it away for a record-setting Bengals return and touchdown. 

Quoth the Raven...

"EAT MY SHORTS"

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Tampa Bay Buccaneers

LOST Wild Card vs. Cowboys, 14-31.

Tom Brady can only wield so much dark magic. The defense has always been a crucial factor for Brady and it clearly failed this year, even more so than last year's late debacle against the Rams. We've likely seen the last of The Tom Brady Show. Do not believe the retirement talk until he is truly unable to throw a football.

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Jacksonville Jaguars

WON Wild Card vs. Chargers, 31-30

LOST Divisional vs. Chiefs, 20-27

Throwing turnovers against the Chargers was bad enough. Throwing turnovers against Mahomes and the Chiefs? That's a good recipe for disaster.

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New York Giants

WON Wild Card vs. Vikings, 31-24

LOST Divisional vs. Eagles, 7-38

Surprise? Not particularly. The Giants defeated a hapless Vikings team, but were no match for the absolute buzzsaw of the Eagles. The Eagles were Phil Swift, and the Giants the boat. Now that's a lotta damage!

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Buffalo Bills

WON Wild Card vs. Dolphins, 34-31

LOST Divisional vs. Bengals, 10-27

That the Bills did not annihilate the Dolphins should have been an immediate red flag. If the Super Bowl favorite of the AFC could barely scrape by against a seventh seed, what chance did they stand against an upstart Bengals team? None. None at all. Joe Burrow marched in during a Buffalo snowstorm and coldly destroyed the Bills. This year was possibly the best shot at a Super Bowl title for the Bills, and they had all the motivation for it too after Damar Hamlin. Instead, it will simply be chalked up as yet another disappointment. If not Patrick Mahomes, then Joe Burrow. An ever growing list of obstacles standing between Buffalo and the Lombardi Trophy.

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Dallas Cowboys

WON Wild Card vs. Buccaneers, 31-14

LOST Divisional vs. 49ers, 12-19

What, are the Cowboys turning into the Green Bay Packers of Texas? Can't defeat the 49ers in the playoffs? It's bad enough this team is allergic to victory when the 49ers drop by, but even worse is that they can't even advance to the NFC Championship anymore. One way or another, the Cowboys consistently set their expectations high only to have them mercilessly shot down. A shame, too. Had the Cowboys won this battle, it would have set up the Armageddon of Eagles vs. Cowboys in the NFC Championship. Oh, what could have been...

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San Francisco 49ers

WON Wild Card vs. Seahawks, 41-23

WON Divisional vs. Cowboys, 19-12

LOST Championship vs. Eagles, 7-31

What a horrific end to an incredible season. The 49ers story was enthralling: plagued by injuries to their top two quarterbacks, the 49ers third string quarterback was a gold mine named Brock Purdy who led the 49ers to a huge and months-long winning streak that solidified their place as a Super Bowl favorite. And then the injuries struck. Again. Purdy and Josh Johnson both fell with injuries and rendered the 49ers offense powerless even with the likes of Christian McCaffrey. Worse, the 49ers took penalty after penalty and became easy prey for the Eagles. Even the 49ers defense, ranked #1 in the league, was torn to pieces by a ferocious Eagles offense. The brawl towards the end of the game was the cherry on top of the 49ers trainwreck.

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Cincinnati Bengals

WON Wild Card vs. Ravens, 24-17

WON Divisional vs. Bills, 27-10

LOST Championship vs. Chiefs, 20-23

The refball was questionable (not quite Rams-Saints bad) but the Bengals did plenty to destroy their own hopes of back-to-back Super Bowl appearances. Burrow lobbing costly turnovers and a ravaged O-line held together by duct tape and Swiss cheese does not a Super Bowl contender make. All in all, it's just another way to scare the Arrowhead curse away.

***

And now, the grand finale. Super Bowl LVII. The final showdown in Glendale, Arizona is set:

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Philadelphia Eagles

The team with Kelce will win.

Both these teams have won Super Bowls in recent years, but only one will walk out of the Sonoran Desert with another Super Bowl ring.

How the Chiefs reached the Super Bowl

The Chiefs are no stranger to playoff football this time of year. This is their third appearance in recent years, but they would rather recall their glorious comeback victory in LIV over their embarrassing non-effort in LV. 

Even without Tyreek Hill, the Chiefs remain a strong and formidable force. The one-two punch of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce is a cannon capable of decimating any defense. Indeed, the Chiefs boast the league's highest scoring offense, scoring 496 points. Their potent offense and solid defense was good for the top seed in the AFC.

It was a tough but surmountable path for the Chiefs these playoffs. They tamed the Jaguars and then escaped the claws of the Bengals. As the Chiefs return to the Super Bowl, they now face their most dangerous opponent yet.

How the Chiefs can win the Super Bowl

Against an absolutely ruthless Philadelphia Eagles squad, the Chiefs need their one-two Mahomes-Kelce punch more than ever. If the Chiefs cannot stop the Eagles offense, then Mahomes must score touchdowns on all or most drives. Anything less — field goals included — and the Chiefs will look like helpless salmon to the circling Eagles. Survive a shootout and the Chiefs can win it.

Defensively, the Chiefs need to find a way to break through the Eagles O-line. No small feat, given the Eagles O-line is at maximum strength, unlike the Bengals O-line. But the Chiefs must find a way to break through. Without that pressure, the Chiefs will never be able to stop Hurts.

***

How the Eagles reached the Super Bowl

The Eagles are a fascinating case. Five years ago, they won the Super Bowl over Tom Brady and the Patriots. Two years ago, they were in the basement of the league, a hapless 4-11-1 and a shell of their former glory. Today, they are truly the final boss of the league. 

The Eagles soared to an 8-0 start before encountering some trouble later this season, especially around Christmas and the new year. The late season struggles led to some questions. Are the Eagles truly worthy of the #1 seed in the NFC? Are the Eagles doomed to another playoff disappointment? 

Jalen Hurts and the Eagles offense simply ignored such questions and promptly steamrolled their way to the Super Bowl. It began with a 38-7 demolition of the New York Giants, and continued with a 31-7 destruction of the San Francisco 49ers. The Eagles reduced the league's top defense to ashes. Any doubts about the Eagles were erased after the NFC Championship.

How the Eagles can win the Super Bowl

The Eagles have a huge arsenal of weapons to decimate the Chiefs defense. Jalen Hurts can attack from the air while the likes of Miles Sanders can bowl through opponents on the ground. The Eagles have a versatile offense and should be able to respond to any Chiefs threat. Above all, the Eagles offense just needs to avoid any poor mistakes or costly turnovers. Such blunders have a high cost in the biggest game of the year.

Defensively, the key to stopping the Chiefs is to breach their O-line. Neutralize Mahomes and the Chiefs will have traumatic flashbacks to Super Bowl LV.

FINAL PREDICTION

Victory can only be won through overwhelming firepower. Jalen Hurts on one side, Patrick Mahomes on the other. Both will ensure this game is a high-scoring war of attrition. The victor will be determined by which team will break first, and it will come down to the wire.

And the Eagles will soar across the sky.

Eagles win, 42-38

2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 3 - Championship)

Welcome to part 3 of my 2022-23 NFL playoff predictions! Three for four on my Divisional picks, a major improvement after incorrectly predicting them all last year. And now, let's get into the Championship predictions.

Only four remain, and there are now four possible Super Bowl LVII match-ups: 

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco 49ers

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Philadelphia Eagles

Cincinnati Bengals vs. San Francisco 49ers

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Philadelphia Eagles

But which match-up will it be?

Let's find out.

AFC

#1 Kansas City Chiefs vs. #3 Cincinnati Bengals

Rematch? Rematch.

Last year's AFC Championship match is now this year's AFC Championship match. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs are back once again, but this time they are the underdogs. An ankle injury sustained by Mahomes during the Chiefs and Jaguars game has ignited fears among the Chiefs. If Patrick Mahomes is not at 100%, can the Chiefs survive sixty minutes against a relentless Bengals team? Chad Henne drove for a touchdown against the Jaguars, but whether he could sustain an entire game if Mahomes were to exit is a major unknown. The Chiefs need their one-two punch of Mahomes and Kelce more than ever, because the Bengals are even more dangerous than last year.

Here's a Bengals team that has forgotten how to lose. Their last defeat? October 31 against the Browns. Since then, the Bengals have fought their way through everything thrown at them. And they have endured through the playoffs so far. First, they used a record-setting fumble to neutralize the Ravens. Next, they stormed in Buffalo during a snowstorm and crushed the hopes and dreams of all Bills. The battle in Buffalo was never in doubt. Joe Burrow led the team to a fast 14-0 start and never looked back.

The Bengals hunger for their first Super Bowl victory, and the Chiefs will not stop the quest.

Prediction: Bengals win, 28-24.

Result: Chiefs win, 23-20.

Comments after the game:

The quest was stopped.

NFC

#1 Philadelphia Eagles vs. #2 San Francisco 49ers

Behold, the titans of the NFC.

Two powerhouse teams finally meet in the pivotal battle to see who gets a ticket to the Super Bowl.

On one side, you have Jalen Hurts and the Eagles, who are fresh off the total annihilation of the New York Giants. The Eagles stepped on the gas and never looked back, touchdown after touchdown and easily earning a spot in the NFC Championship. Hurts is back up to full strength, and the air attack will be a major threat to the 49ers.

On the other side, you have the Bengals of the NFC: the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers have not lost since October 23, when they were routed by the Chiefs. Brock Purdy is the savior for the 49ers, the hero who has helped them to non-stop victory. Defense has been the 49ers greatest strength this season, allowing a league-best of only 277 points in the regular season. Defense wins championships.

But can the 49ers offense outperform the even more relentless Eagles offense?

Prepare for war.

Prediction: Eagles win, 38-35.

Result: Eagles win, 31-7.

Comments after the game:

We prepared for war but instead received a lopsided and ugly bloodbath.

The 49ers traveled to Philadelphia and expected to ground the Eagles with their heroic quarterback and brick wall of a defense. Instead, the people of San Francisco discovered what Lincoln Financial Field really was: a 49ers infirmary.

All the 49ers momentum from three months of non-stop wins came to a thundering end today, and it all ended the moment Brock Purdy left the game early with an elbow injury. Josh Johnson entered, but he too left after suffering a concussion. Purdy returned but barely made any further passes. With the 49ers air attack immobilized, the running game was their only futile hope. All those wins, all that momentum, all that work, all destroyed with quarterback injuries.

But the 49ers were truly decimated by the penalty flag. The 49ers defense stood tall for much of the game, but many foolish and costly penalties on their part merely accelerated their descent into defeat. The frustration culminated in a brawl late in the fourth quarter that saw Trent Williams and K'Von Wallace disqualified from the game.

Kyle Shanahan didn't even a fourth quarter lead, and it still ended in disaster for his team. What a catastrophic ending for such a loaded 49ers squad.

The Eagles, meanwhile, advance to Super Bowl LVII!

2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 2 - Divisional)

Welcome to part 2 of my 2022-23 NFL playoff predictions! A perfect six for six on my Wild Card predictions. Hopefully my Divisional predictions meet the same success.

Let's roll.

AFC

#1 Kansas City Chiefs vs. #4 Jacksonville Jaguars

No Tyreek Hill? No problem, according to the Kansas City Chiefs. Once again, the Chiefs are a powerhouse team led by Patrick Mahomes and their deadly air attack. The Jaguars face a much more daunting task, and they cannot afford to fall behind 27-0 again. Five turnovers against the Chiefs would be the equivalent of waving multiple white flags.

That said, even if Trevor Lawrence and the Jaguars do fall behind, they have proven they can fight back and win. Doing so against the Chiefs would be an enormous but unlikely upset.

Prediction: Chiefs win, 35-24.

Result: Chiefs win, 27-20.

Comments after the game:

Good news for the Jaguars is that they only had two turnovers. Except this time, they occurred at the worst possible time and crushed their momentum.

The Chiefs advance to the AFC Championship for the fifth year in a row, but at what cost? Mahomes took a brutal hit to the ankle in the first half, and it could be an issue in a pivotal game against either Josh Allen or Joe Burrow. We shall see...

***

#2 Buffalo Bills vs. #3 Cincinnati Bengals

If you only have time to watch one game this weekend, make sure that one game is this game. All eyes will be watching the true showdown of these two teams after Damar Hamlin's frightening medical emergency at the start of 2023.

These two teams are the AFC's Super Bowl favorites, alongside the Chiefs. The Bills have all the reason and all the motivation to win for Hamlin. Josh Allen can lead the Bills to victory, but the turnovers against the Dolphins were extremely costly. The Bills are fortunate the Dolphins forgot how to properly manage time.

The Bengals, too, escaped a close call over the Ravens, but their victory was made possible by an incredible and record-setting fumble recovery and touchdown. Joe Burrow will lead the attack from the air attack, but he will need to be ready for the Bills to breach the Bengals O-line. Remember the Titans-Bengals game last year, when Burrow was sacked nine times? Even then, the Bengals still managed to find victory (courtesy of three costly Titans interceptions), and they could find victory again.

This game will be highly emotional and come down to the wire. Expect a battle for the ages.

Prediction: Bills win, 38-35.

Result: Bengals win, 27-10.

Comments after the game:

Well, that was an untimely demise. The Bills had all the reason and all the motivation to win but could not get it done. The narrow victory over the Dolphins in the Wild Card game was really a warning sign. A Super Bowl favorite like the Bills should have annihilated the Dolphins, and escaping by three points cast a shadow of doubt upon the Bills. This year may well have been the best chance for the Bills to finally win that coveted Lombardi Trophy. But alas, the Bills continue to fall short in their never-ending quest for their first Super Bowl.

On the other hand, the Bengals may well be the AFC favorite for the Super Bowl. A dominant performance on Buffalo's home field by Joe Burrow and the Bengals has put them on a collision course for another AFC Championship match-up against Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs.
 

NFC

#1 Philadelphia Eagles vs. #6 New York Giants

The Giants are fresh off an "upset" over the Vikings. A thirteen team win with a negative point differential had no business anywhere near playoff success. Still, the Giants now have the confidence to win playoff games, and since the beginning of the century they have a habit of either going one and done or making deep playoff runs all the way to the Super Bowl. Don't remind Tom Brady.

It all comes down to whether Jalen Hurts has fully recovered from his shoulder injury. If so, the Eagles should cruise to victory. If not, the Giants may pull off a true upset.

Prediction: Eagles win, 35-28.

Result: Eagles win, 38-7.

Comments after the game:

We have some stunning highlight reel footage of the game:

 Absolute rout. The Eagles are definitely the true #1 seed in the NFC.

***

#2 San Francisco 49ers vs. #5 Dallas Cowboys

Are the 49ers the true top seed in the NFC? This team looks unstoppable. The 49ers have not lost a game since October 23, nearly three months ago. Since the fall, the 49ers have steamrolled everything in their path, and have added new weapons — Christian McCaffrey, especially — to create an overwhelming football powerhouse. Complementing the 49ers offense is a defense will turn any enemy O-line into a Swiss cheese-line.

The Cowboys have a daunting task ahead of them. They delivered to us the season (series?) finale of The Tom Brady Show, and their offense was clicking against a hapless Buccaneers defense. The 49ers defense is the exact opposite of hapless. A brick wall, perhaps. The Cowboys have zero room for error. One mistake, one turnover, and the 49ers will boot the Cowboys right back to Texas.

Prediction: 49ers win, 31-17.

Result: 49ers win, 19-12.

Comments after the game:

We have stunning highlight reel footage of the game's final play:

 Another year, another Cowboys defeat in the Divisional round.

2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 1 - Wild Card)

Happy New Year! As a new year begins and we leave 2022 behind, it’s time for my annual NFL playoff predictions. This post will focus on the Wild Card games; future posts will predict the outcomes of the Divisional and Championship games, and eventually the Super Bowl.

Let’s go.

First round byes

#1 Kansas City Chiefs

#1 Philadelphia Eagles

AFC

#2 Buffalo Bills vs. #7 Miami Dolphins 

The Dolphins were responsible for the Bills suffering their first loss of the season back in Week 3. The Bills avenged the loss in Week 15, and now the trilogy will be complete. 

These are two teams going in opposite directions. The Bills have maintained their momentum and remain an easy Super Bowl favorite. The team is also highly motivated following the collapse of Damar Hamlin during the Bills-Bengals game earlier this month. Hamlin's remarkable recovery from a cardiac arrest has united the Bills as one and inspired them all to win for Hamlin. 

The Dolphins, meanwhile, have had a very turbulent season. They started by winning three in a row, then lost three in a row, then won five in a row, then lost five in a row, and finally won their regular season finale with a victory over the hapless Jets. The biggest problem for the Dolphins, by far, is their quarterback situation. Tua Tagovailoa has suffered several concussions and the Dolphins will have to rely on backups as he failed to clear concussion protocol. Murphy's Law in effect for the Dolphins.

Against a highly motivated Bills team, the Dolphins will quickly be caught stranded on dry land.

Prediction: Bills win, 35-14.

Result: Bills win, 34-31.

Comments after the game:

Quite possibly the most least convincing playoff win in a while. What started as a rout quickly became a game of mistakes for both teams, and every mistake looked like this:

***

#3 Cincinnati Bengals vs. #6 Baltimore Ravens

The Bengals haven't lost a game since Halloween (the Bills-Bengals game was declared a no contest). Super Bowl hangover? The Bengals are unaware of such an illness, but it is apparently quite rampant among the Rams. With Joe Burrow leading the way, the Bengals are a cannonball on fire, and they stand ready to face any opponent, even the Chiefs or the Bills.

The Ravens, however, have developed a frustrating habit of building up huge leads only to collapse in spectacular fashion. Worse, Lamar Jackson, the key to the Ravens offense, is injured. But even if the Ravens had Lamar in the line-up, can they really stop the red-hot Bengals? Doubtful.

Prediction: Bengals win, 28-10.

Result: Bengals win, 24-17.

Comments after the game:

Being on the wrong end of a record-setting fumble doomed the Ravens. We even have stunning highlight reel footage of the play:

***

#4 Jacksonville Jaguars vs. #5 Los Angeles Chargers

Before their bye week, the Jaguars were a hapless 3-7. They lost every game in October and entered the bye week with a double-digit loss to Chiefs. Evidently, the bye week was actually an interdimensional portal, because from that bye week stepped out a Jaguars squad that would proceed to win six of their final seven regular season games. The Jaguars have especially capitalized on a solid ground attack and defense capitalizing on crucial mistakes by their opponents. When the Jaguars offense stalls, the defense swoops in and saves the day. Trevor Lawrence hopes to make a statement in his playoff debut.

The Chargers have the stronger record and a quarterback, Justin Herbert, eager for his own playoff debut. That said, entering the playoffs after losing to the thoroughly undercooked Broncos is less than ideal. Worse, only one of the ten Chargers wins this season have been against a playoff team (the Dolphins in Week 14). It's up to Herbert and the passing game to tame the Jaguars.

This could be the closest match up of all the Wild Card games, and it is difficult to make a call on a winner. That said, there must be a winner; a tie playoff game would instantly crash the league like a Windows computer installing updates.

Prediction: Jaguars win, 24-21.

Result: Jaguars win, 31-30.

Comments after the game:

IT

WAS

TWENTY

SEVEN

TO

ZERO

Behold, the most ridiculous NFL playoff comeback in years. The Jaguars looked like this in the first half:

Four interceptions thrown by Trevor Lawrence. Down 27-0. An absolute, undisputed trainwreck. But in the second half, the Jaguars deployed the last card up their sleeves:

From there, the Jaguars took complete control. Four interceptions in the first half? No problem, trade it for four touchdown passes in the second half!

It was perhaps the most Chargers way the Chargers could end a Chargers game. In fact, we have some stunning footage of the Chargers during the second half:

A bit overcharged, one might say.

NFC

#2 San Francisco 49ers vs. #7 Seattle Seahawks

Look, the Seahawks are just happy to be here. Trading Russell Wilson away to the Denver Broncos was supposed to be the death knell for the Seahawks, an inevitable invitation to Tank Bowl. Instead, the Seahawks have fought their way to a playoff spot and secured a high position in the upcoming draft. The Broncos are enjoying a meal of undercooked ramen. 

Geno Smith became a hero in Seattle this season, taking no expectations and using them to shock the league. The journey was turbulent, especially in November and December, but all that matter is that the Seahawks are in the playoffs. Will they win against the most dangerous squad the 49ers have fielded in years? Highly unlikely. But if the Seahawks win? All bets are off. All of them.

Prediction: 49ers win, 24-14.

Result: 49ers win, 41-23.

Comments after the game: 

Disappointed? Yes.

Surprised? No.

***

#3 Minnesota Vikings vs. #6 New York Giants

Thirteen wins and a negative point differential. Behold, the Minnesota Vikings season. They either win by the narrowest of margins or lose in spectacular fashion. A thirteen win team in danger of going one and done?

The Giants are not much better. They had a strong start to the season, but crashed downhill after going 6-1 to finish the season at 9-7-1, winning only three of their last ten games. 

This only ends with either the Vikings winning by one score, or the Giants winning in a landslide. The latter seems more likely.

Prediction: Giants win, 28-7.

Result: Giants win, 31-24.

Comments after the game:

We have some highlight footage of the Vikings during the crucial 4th and 8:

Need eight yards to stay alive? No worries, three yards is clearly enough.

Or not.

***

#4 Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. #5 Dallas Cowboys

Welcome to another episode of The Tom Brady Show! I swear, this show was cancelled at the end of last season, but somehow...

As weak as the Buccaneers look, you simply cannot underestimate the dark magic of Tom Brady. Against all odds, Brady somehow keeps finding ways to win in crucial games. That said, Brady's dark magic has its limits if the defense can't keep up.

On the other side, you have the Cowboys, a NFC East powerhouse that nearly took the division if not for the last-minute win by the Eagles. The Cowboys have an explosive capable of unleashing forty-plus and even fifty-plus points the board. There is one problem, though. Dak Prescott has thrown a league-worst fifteen interceptions this season, the highest number he has thrown in his career. Mistakes the Cowboys cannot afford against a team with Tom Brady.

But even with the interception risk, the Cowboys should have enough firepower to end the Tom Brady Show. As long as the Cowboys remember how clocks work, that is...

Prediction: Cowboys win, 31-21.

Result: Cowboys win, 31-14.

Comments after the game:

We turn now to stunning highlight reel footage of the Cowboys kicker:

The Cowboys are quite fortunate the Buccaneers offense was a mess. A more dangerous team would be much less forgiving. Speaking of which, the 49ers await.

2021-22 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 4 - Super Bowl)

And now, only two remain, and neither of them have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, or Patrick Mahomes. This is the battle of the new blood. The final showdown. The grand finale. The duel of the fates.

The Super Bowl.

It will be an epic duel for the ages, but first, let us look back and see who fell on our way to the Super Bowl.

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Las Vegas Raiders

LOST Wild Card vs Bengals, 19-26

You know what you did. You defied the meme lords. In a season defined by chaos, you denied us all the ultimate chaos of a tie game to hilariously knock out the Steelers from a playoff spot. But no, you just had to kick the field goal to avoid facing the Chiefs. And what did you get for it? One and done, handing the Bengals their first playoff win in more than three decades. The Bengals drought ends, and the Raiders drought intensifies. Not a single playoff win since they went to the Super Bowl two decades ago.

---

New England Patriots

LOST Wild Card vs Bills, 17-47.

Ouch.

The glory days of the Patriots are a distant memory. Never has an NFL team been so spectacularly demolished. The Bills played the most perfect playoff game in memory, scoring touchdowns on every drive, and the Patriots had no answer. The evil empire in Foxborough has fallen. For now.

---

Philadelphia Eagles

LOST Wild Card vs Buccaneers, 15-31.

Tom Brady never forgot what happened in Super Bowl LII, and made the Eagles pay for it. The Eagles suffered a disastrous start to the season but a ferocious comeback effort heading into the end of the season gained them a playoff spot and a date with the league’s all-time greatest quarterback. Nick Foles wasn’t here to save the day. This story was never going to end well for the Eagles.

---

Dallas Cowboys

LOST Wild Card vs 49ers, 17-23.

Every time the Cowboys flirt with success, success grants them a wonderful gift called failure. But this failure was possibly the most absurd ending to any NFL playoff game. It was a rough start for the Cowboys, as the 49ers took a large lead and threatened to damn Dallas to yet another sad ending. But the 49ers buckled and handed the Cowboys a prime opportunity. An opportunity for Dak Prescott to lead the Cowboys to a last-second win. They had an opportunity, and then they forgot how clocks work.

---

Pittsburgh Steelers

LOST Wild Card vs Chiefs, 21-42.

TONIGHT, ON DAYS OF OUR STEELERS

IN HIS FINAL GAME, BIG BEN LEADS HIS TEAM STRAIGHT INTO A BUZZSAW

---

Arizona Cardinals

LOST Wild Card vs Rams, 11-34.

One word summarizes the Cardinals season: Disappointment. It all began with a roaring 7-0 start, and it all ended with a one and done implosion. All that hype for no reward. It really all began to fall apart with that spectacular interception against the Packers in Week 8, didn’t it?

---

Tennessee Titans

LOST Divisional vs Bengals, 16-19.

The sad thing is that the Titans really could have made this season their year. Even when things went wrong, the Titans endured. When King Henry fell, the Titans endured. But once the team entered the playoffs with the #1 seed, it all collapsed. Ryan Tannehill’s three interceptions will haunt the Titans for years to come. Those three interceptions undid all the good the ironclad Titans defense unleashed against the Bengals, sacking Joe Burrow nine times. And it was all for nothing. One and done.

---

Green Bay Packers

LOST Divisional vs 49ers, 10-13.

Behold, the worst nightmare of Aaron Rodgers: The San Francisco 49ers. Every time Rodgers has faced the 49ers in the playoffs, the result is always the same. And it wasn’t even the NFC Championship, either. One way or another, the Packers always go down in flames against the 49ers. This team, it was the special teams that sealed Green Bay’s fate. One disastrous punt ushered in the inevitability of defeat and more, for the Packers face a massive salary cap crunch, endless free agents, and the likely loss of Aaron Rodgers. A dark cloud is falling over Lambeau.

---

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

WON Wild Card vs Eagles, 31-15.

LOST Divisional vs Rams, 30-27.

Even Tom Brady’s dark magic can’t always save the day. What might have been the sequel to 28-3 was halted by Matthew Stafford’s last-minute heroics and the abrupt and rapid collapse of Tampa’s defense. Brady nearly bailed out the Bucs, but the team’s defense folded at the worst possible moment. And so, Tom Brady walks off into the sunset, the greatest of all time forever a part of NFL legend.

---

Buffalo Bills

WON Wild Card vs Patriots, 47-17.

LOST Divisional vs Chiefs, 36-42 (OT).

It was a great tragedy that someone had to lose an epic Divisional game like this, but the Bills just couldn’t quite get it done. Josh Allen did everything asked of him, but the Bills defense just couldn’t stop Patrick Mahomes, especially in the most crucial moments. Mahomes drove down the field with just thirteen seconds on the clock and helped tie the game and force overtime. Any mistake in a game like comes with a steep cost. And for the Bills, that cost is another lost year.

---

Kansas City Chiefs

WON Wild Card vs Steelers, 42-21.

WON Divisional vs Bills, 42-36 (OT).

LOST Championship vs Bengals, 24-27 (OT).

If you remember anything about the playoffs this year, remember that the Chiefs played two and a half games in spectacular fashion. The other half of a game was a comedy of errors that gave us the true sequel to 28-3. It was 21-3, and the Chiefs blew it all away. After halftime, the Chiefs entered a time portal and reverted into early season form. The Bengals sacked Mahomes four times while the Chiefs sacked Burrow only once – a far cry from the nine sacks a week earlier versus the Titans. Mahomes also reverted to early season form and threw one costly interception in the third quarter and another cataclysmic interception in overtime that directly led to the Bengals victory. The Arrowhead curse, long thought dead, sends its regards.

---

San Francisco 49ers

WON Wild Card vs Cowboys, 23-17.

WON Divisional vs Packers, 13-10.

LOST Championship vs Rams, 17-20.

Stop if you’ve heard this one before: Kyle Shanahan’s team has a double-digit lead in the fourth quarter, only to choke it all away in spectacular fashion. It almost happened against the Cowboys, and it happened for real against the Rams. How utterly predictable.

***

All right, now, the final battle. Super Bowl LVI. The match-up in Los Angeles is set:

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Los Angeles Rams

Behold, a Super Bowl without Tom Brady or Patrick Mahomes. This Super Bowl will be the final duel between Joe Burrow and Matthew Stafford, and one of these two quarterbacks will walk away with his first Lombardi Trophy.

How the Bengals reached the Super Bowl

Stop for a moment and realize the Bengals were in the basement two years ago. 2-14. The Bengals have risen from the depths of despair to being just one win away from winning it all for the first time.

The Bengals finished the season 10-7. Not the most impressive record, but solid. Far more impressive was their playoff road to the Super Bowl. First, they narrowly defeated the Raiders, and in the process secured their first playoff win since the 1988 season. Correct, the last time the Bengals won a playoff game, the Soviet Union still existed, Ronald Reagan was still President of the United States, and Die Hard was released in theaters less than a year earlier. It has indeed been a while.

After neutralizing the Raiders, the Bengals stunned the #1 seed Titans and then stunned the entire league by reviving the Arrowhead curse and defeating the Chiefs in an insane comeback win. In overtime, too. And so, the Bengals, once basement dwellers, are playing for their first Super Bowl since the days of Joe Montana.

How the Bengals can win the Super Bowl

Joe Burrow needs to play the best game of his life if he wants that coveted first Super Bowl win. Against a ferocious Rams team, the Bengals have zero room for error. The Bengals O-line held strong against the Chiefs, and that O-line, not the one against the Titans, will give Burrow the fighting chance. The road to victory lies in the air attack. The Bengals clearly have momentum from the second half of the AFC Championship game, and now they need to apply that momentum for the entire sixty minutes of the Super Bowl.

 ***

How the Rams reached the Super Bowl

The Rams have more Super Bowl experience, but they would like to erase the memories of Super Bowl LIII for good. Assuming it hasn’t already faded from memory already, given its excellent use as an insomnia cure.

The Rams made huge moves in the offseason, mortgaging their future for a chance at a Super Bowl in the present. They brought in Matthew Stafford out of Detroit and with him at the helm finished the season 12-5 and won the NFC West thanks to the implosion of the Arizona Cardinals. The Rams began the playoffs by first helping the Cardinals complete their implosion. Next, the Rams brought Tom Brady’s career to an end, but only thanks to Stafford’s late heroics. Finally, the Rams defeated the 49ers in front of a sea of 49ers fans in Los Angeles. These three wins were Stafford’s first three playoff wins as well. The Rams are now one win away from that coveted trophy, one win from repeating what the Buccaneers did last season: win the Super Bowl on home field.

How the Rams can win the Super Bowl

First, don’t play like you did in Super Bowl LIII.

Next, protect Stafford at all costs. Stafford has an arsenal of weapons – Kupp, OBJ – and an overwhelming defense to back everything up. Overall, the Rams have excellent balance and should be able to meet any threat the Bengals pose. Keyword being “should”. The most alarming moment was the near implosion towards the end of the Divisional game. If that blunder doesn’t happen again, the Rams shouldn’t have any serious issues. Let the air attack do its thing and all shall fall into place.

FINAL PREDICTION

This Super Bowl may be one of the most watched in a long time. Expect an epic duel between two quarterbacks, with the reward being that coveted Lombardi Trophy. The Rams may be the favorites, but chaos has reigned these playoffs. 

Chaos will not take a break for the Super Bowl. And the Bengals will be grateful.

Bengals win, 31-28

 

2021-22 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 3 - Championship)

Welcome to part 3 of my 2021-22 NFL playoff predictions! Let's not go into how I definitely didn't go 0 for 4 on my Divisional predictions, and let's get right into the Championship predictions.

Only four remain, and there are now four possible Super Bowl LVI match-ups: 

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco 49ers

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Los Angeles Rams

Cincinnati Bengals vs. San Francisco 49ers

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Los Angeles Rams

But which match-up will it be?

Let's find out.

AFC

#2 Kansas City Chiefs vs. #4 Cincinnati Bengals

If this match-up sounds familiar, it is.

It was an upset victory over the Chiefs that allowed the Bengals to clinch the AFC North. Now, the Bengals want to do it again and pounce into the Super Bowl.

It will not be easy. The Chiefs are fresh off an epic Divisional thriller victory over the Buffalo Bills, and Patrick Mahomes looks utterly unstoppable. Mahomes has only lost twice in the playoffs before, both times to Tom Brady. With Brady and the Buccaneers out, who will stop the Chiefs now? 

Joe Burrow would like a say in this matter. Burrow and the Bengals are fresh off their own stunning upset victory over the #1 Titans, all thanks to a fierce defensive effort that forced three interceptions. This victory was made possible even with the Bengals' most glaring issue: the O-line. The O-line, held together by duct tape and thin air, collapsed repeatedly against the Titans, and Burrow was sacked nine times. I repeat, Burrow was sacked nine damn times and the Bengals still won.

If the Bengals can solve their O-line issues quickly, they will have a fighting chance. If not, this will get ugly. Fast. Mahomes and the Chiefs will show no mercy.

Prediction: Chiefs win, 35-21.

Result: Bengals win, 27-24 (OT).

Comments after the game:

Brady. Rodgers. Mahomes.

ALL ELIMINATED.

Against all odds, the Bengals have triumphed. Through relentless determination, the Bengals overcame a massive deficit to emerge victorious. 

Stop for a moment and realize that two years ago, the Bengals won just TWO games in the regular season. Last season, just four wins. This season? Ten wins, the AFC North title, and a ticket to the Super Bowl.

WOW.

As for the Chiefs?

WHAT WAS THAT?

Mahomes and the Chiefs picked up where they left off against the Bills and surged to a 21-3 lead. The Bengals looked hapless, and the Chiefs scored touchdowns on three consecutive drives.

And that was effectively it.

It was 21-3.

IT.

WAS.

21.

TO.

3.

A spectacular Atlanta Falcons-level meltdown. In the first half, Mahomes was an unstoppable powerhouse. In the second half, Mahomes reverted back to early season form when the Chiefs were 3-4. What was that blunder of a play right before half time? The entire Chiefs offense folded, utterly and completely, only managing a single field goal to force overtime. And then in overtime, a cataclysmic interception sealed the fate of the Chiefs.

Now in playoff games, Mahomes has lost to Brady twice, and Burrow once. For the Chiefs, this defeat will sting for a long time.

For the Bengals, they are going to the Super Bowl for the first time since 1988!

NFC

#4 Los Angeles Rams vs. #6 San Francisco 49ers

Behold, the Battle of California.

The final NFC duel this season will be a battle of the NFC West, featuring two teams fresh off stunning victories over Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, respectively. 

But even more bizarrely, the Rams won the NFC West despite losing twice to the 49ers. 

The Rams want another shot at the Super Bowl, but if they do make it back, please do not create a stunning cure for insomnia instead. The Snooze Bowl must never happen again. Jared Goff is long gone, replaced with Matt Stafford. Stafford went years without even a playoff, and now only one win stands between him and his first Super Bowl appearance. The Rams have dangerous weapons in the form of Cooper Kupp and Odell Beckham Jr., and an especially dangerous defense lead by Aaron Donald and Von Miller. That said, the defense needs to actually hold on and not implode late in the game like they did against the Buccaneers.

But the 49ers just keep winning. First was the victory over the Dallas "forgot how clocks work" Cowboys, and then a shock upset victory over the Green Bay Packers. Now the 49ers want another shot at the Super Bowl to make up for their heartbreaking late implosion in Super Bowl LIV. Injuries have been a persistent issue for the 49ers, with Jimmy Garoppolo's shoulder being the greatest question mark. The 49ers certainly have potent weapons of their own in Deebo Samuel and George Kittle, complimented by a ferocious defense lead by Nick Bosa.

If you're looking for another game as thrilling as the Bill-Chiefs epic, this could be it. It will be a battle to the bitter end, but only one will survive.

Prediction: Rams win, 31-28.

Result: Rams win, 20-17.

Comments after the game:

So it turns out the Bengals-Chiefs epic was the proper sequel to the Bills-Chiefs epic, but the NFC Championship was a tense affair nonetheless. This was not a terribly high-scoring game, and took a while to get going after a scoreless first quarter. There were signs the 49ers were gunning for a third consecutive upset, but third time was the curse on this day. Just like in Super Bowl LIV, the 49ers collapsed in the fourth quarter, surrendering a ten point lead and coughing up a brutal late interception to seal their fate. Kyle Shanahan will never catch a break, will he?

For the second year in a row, the Super Bowl stadium will feature its home team!

2021-22 NFL playoff predictions (Part 2 - Divisional)

Welcome to part 2 of my 2020-21 NFL playoff predictions! Five for six on my Wild Card predictions. Not too bad, indeed. Only miss was the Cowboys-49ers game, when the Cowboys forgot how clocks work.

Onto the Divisional round predictions!

AFC

#1 Tennessee Titans vs. #4 Cincinnati Bengals

The Titans might be living up to their name this weekend, should Derrick Henry - the King - make his much anticipated return. If so, the Bengals will have the great displeasure of facing one of the most dangerous ground attacks in the league.

By contrast, the Bengals thrive with their deadly passing attack. Joe Burrow will ensure the Bengals have a strong offense, but they need an answer to the Titans ground assault. The Bengals defense must stop the rush, or else they'll be rushing out of the playoffs.

Prediction: Titans win, 31-21.

Result: Bengals win, 19-16

Comments after the game:

The Titans defense looked unstoppable today. Joe Burrow was sacked NINE times, the Bengals O-line looking like complete Swiss cheese.

And all it took to undo the defense's work was Ryan Tannehill. Three horrific interceptions allowed the Bengals to survive and kick a last-second field goal to advance to the AFC Championship.

This could well have been the Titans' year. It could have been, but it will not. The Titans had Derrick Henry, and they still couldn't get it done.

Titans, our last departing words for you:

***

#2 Kansas City Chiefs vs. #3 Buffalo Bills

I have no confidence in my pick for this game. 

None.

Two powerhouse teams, fresh off dominating wins, are about to collide. The unstoppable force meets the immovable object. Patrick Mahomes against Josh Allen. The duel of the fates. The Super Bowl before the Super Bowl.

If you watch any Divisional game this weekend, watch this one. It is primed to be an all-time classic.

Prediction: Bills win, 52-49.

Result: Chiefs win, 42-36 (OT).

Comments after the game:

As expected, a classic game. Too bad the overtime rules absolutely suck.

NFC

#1 Green Bay Packers vs. #6 San Francisco 49ers

Aaron Rodgers isn't a particularly big fan of the 49ers. Three times Rodgers has faced the 49ers in the playoffs, and three times he has been defeated. Fourth time's the charm? He would certainly hope so. 

The Packers haven't had too many problems in Divisional games in recent years; it's the cursed NFC Championship game that always seems to end their Super Bowl hopes and dreams. The Packers are consistently strong in the regular season, but never quite seem to get it done in the playoffs. All their energy runs out too early. 

That said, it seems unlikely the Packers will run out of steam in the Divisional round this year. True, the 49ers are fresh off an upset victory over the Cowboys, but the 49ers' own late game collapse was only salvaged by the even more spectacular collapse of the Cowboys. Worse, the 49ers are also dealing with injuries, including to Jimmy Garoppolo and Nick Bosa, the latter being far more concerning. If Bosa cannot play, it will be a severe blow to the 49ers defense, enough to allow Rodgers free reign on the field.

The 49ers should keep it interesting, but it won't quite be enough.

Prediction: Packers win, 35-28.

Result: 49ers win, 13-10.

Comments after the game: 

We have some stunning live footage of the Packers special teams unit:

Total disaster. 

A catastrophic blocked punt returned for a 49ers touchdown was the final blow to the Packers' hopes. And so the drought continues. Year after year for the last decade, the Packers enjoy a strong regular season but follow it up with playoff disappointment. Will the misery ever end for Green Bay? No way to tell at this point.

But hey, it least the latest playoff failure wasn't in the NFC Championship game!

***

#2 Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. #4 Los Angeles Rams

Tom Brady against the Rams? Where have I heard this one before...?

Oh no.

If this somehow turns into a rerun of Super Bowl LIII, all insomnia in America will be instantly cured.

The Buccaneers are plagued with injuries, but they have a devastating weapon of mass destruction called Tom Brady. As long as the o-line can hold out long enough, Brady shouldn't have too much trouble. That said, the Rams defense is a mighty powerhouse that will test Brady far more than the Eagles did in the Wild Card. Matt Stafford's confidence is surely at an all-time high as well, having finally secured his first playoff win.

Expect a shootout.

Prediction: Buccaneers win, 34-31.

Result: Rams win, 30-27.

Comments after the game:

Brady wielded his magic, but the Tampa defense imploded at the worst possible moment. There will be a new Super Bowl champion this year.