2023-24 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 4 - Super Bowl)

And so, only two remain. This is it. The final battle. The grand finale. The duel of the fates.

The Super Bowl. 

Two teams will fight for the Lombardi Trophy under the endless lights of the Las Vegas Strip, but first, let us look back on those who fell in battle during their own quests for Super Bowl glory.

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Cleveland Browns

LOST Wild Card vs. Texans, 14-45

The Joe Flacco redemption arc was something to behold, but all the Browns have to show for it is a brutal first round humiliation and a Watson contract that will hang over them for years to come. 

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Miami Dolphins

LOST Wild Card vs. Chiefs, 7-26.

The Chiefs had a secret weapon: Canadian weather. As expected, the Dolphins stood no chance in such a frigid environment. Inconsistency and injuries do not a Super Bowl contender make.

---

Dallas Cowboys

LOST Wild Card vs. Packers, 32-48.

First team to ever lose to a #7 seed. A complete implosion on all fronts. Year after year after year of playoff failure. And it wasn't even the Divisional round.

HOW

BOUT

DEM

COWBOYS

---

Los Angeles Rams

LOST Wild Card vs. Lions, 23-24

The Rams fought to the bitter end, to their credit. But those lost opportunities in the red zone left far too many points on the table. The Rams tried to stop history, and failed.

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Pittsburgh Steelers

LOST Wild Card vs. Bills, 17-31

TONIGHT

ON DAYS OF OUR STEELERS

PASS THE LIQUOR

STEELERS AIN'T GAHNTA SUPAH BOWL 

---

Philadelphia Eagles

LOST Wild Card vs. Buccaneers, 9-32

From Super Bowl appearance to one-and-done within a year. This strategy of imitating the Vikings from last season - the worst thirteen win team ever - delivered appalling results. A team so poor even the winless Browns and Lions from years past would emerge victorious. Worst of all, this is how Jason Kelce's career ends? Not with Super Bowl glory, but a single-digit performance like this? For shame.

---

Houston Texans

WON Wild Card vs. Browns, 45-14

LOST Divisional vs. Ravens, 10-34

The Texans won a blowout and then lost in a blowout. Against the Great Wall that is the Ravens defense, the Texans had no hope. 

But the Texans will be back. It has been a remarkable turnaround since the disaster of last season. The future is bright for this team as long as they can figure out a way to get past the second round - this is turning into Toronto Maple Leafs levels of playoff frustration.

---

Green Bay Packers

WON Wild Card vs. Cowboys, 48-32

LOST Divisional vs. 49ers, 21-24

For a team that sneaked into the playoffs at the last moment, the Packers provided us all with infinite meme material. The methodical demolition they unleashed upon the Cowboys will traumatize Dallas for years to come. The Packers have their man in Jordan Love, a worthy successor to Aaron Rodgers. But they really need to figure out how to defeat the 49ers in the playoffs. The Packers can't hope to simply avoid the 49ers in the playoffs forever.

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Tampa Bay Buccaneers

WON Wild Card vs. Eagles, 32-9

LOST Divisional vs. Lions, 23-31

Not a whole lot to say here. The Buccaneers demolished the hapless Eagles but couldn't quite keep pace with a Lions team that had just tasted victory for the first time in decades. A crucial mistake or turnover here and there gave the Lions the decisive advantage.

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Buffalo Bills

WON Wild Card vs. Steelers, 31-17

LOST Divisional vs. Chiefs, 24-27

The words WIDE RIGHT will traumatize Buffalo forever.

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Baltimore Ravens

WON Divisional vs. Texans, 34-10

LOST Championship vs. Chiefs, 10-17

Another year wasted for Lamar. Just when you think the Ravens have finally shaken off their playoff demons, when you think this is the year Lamar finally gets his ring, it all falls apart again. To their credit, the defense did their job. To hold Mahomes, Kelce, and company to just seventeen points is remarkable (don't remind the Chiefs of Super Bowl LV). But the offense? What in the midnight dreary happened to the Ravens offense? Between the brutal turnovers and refusal to unleash their famed running attack, the Ravens just seemed to surrender themselves to yet another lost year. The glory days of XLVII are rapidly fading from memory with every passing day. And so Lamar laments another loss.

---

Detroit Lions

WON Wild Card vs. Rams, 24-23

WON Divisional vs. Buccaneers, 31-23

LOST Championship vs. 49ers, 31-34

Next time, take the damn points.

***

And now, the grand finale. Super Bowl LVIII. The final showdown in Las Vegas is set:

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco 49ers

Sound familiar?

Indeed, this is a rematch of Super Bowl LIV. It was a close game in the first half. The 49ers started to dominate in the third quarter but spontaneously combusted in the fourth quarter, surrendering three late touchdowns to watch their Super Bowl hopes fade in an instant.

Both teams want the Lombardi Trophy, but for different reasons.

The Chiefs won it all last season and are one win away from back to back Super Bowl victories. They had a chance to do so in LV but Tom Brady's dark magic got in the way.

The 49ers want revenge for LIV and end their decades long drought. This is the third time the 49ers have reached the Super Bowl since their last victory in XXIX. The last two trips ended in bitter defeat. Third time's the charm?

Let's take a look at each team.

How the Chiefs reached the Super Bowl

Have the New England Patriots moved to Kansas City recently? The Chiefs have been to so many Super Bowls in recent years you'd swear Tom Brady was secretly behind it all. In any event, it has been a remarkable run for the Chiefs after decades of despair. A win in Vegas would cement the Chiefs as a dynasty. 

The Chiefs finished 11-6, the first time the Chiefs have not won at least twelve games with Mahomes at quarterback. The season began with a shaky loss against the Lions, but alarm bells really began to go off after the bye week: the Chiefs were 4-4 after the bye. 

But in the playoffs? Unstoppable. The Dolphins turned into an ice cube. The Bills kicked wide right. The Ravens are determined to win nevermore. And so the Chiefs are back again and a fourth Lombardi Trophy for their collection.

How the Chiefs can win the Super Bowl

Mahomes and Kelce.

But the Chiefs need to be relentless. The 49ers have a habit of mounting dramatic comebacks, so the Chiefs will need all the insurance points they can score to ensure Purdy and McCaffrey can't keep up. The Chiefs have done well on defense, holding the juggernaut Ravens to a mere ten points. A significant improvement over the 30+ points the Chiefs surrendered in Super Bowls LV and LVII. But the Chiefs will face another tough test as the 49ers launch relentless attacks from the ground and the air.

How the 49ers reached the Super Bowl

The 49ers either miss the playoffs outright or make deep playoff runs. Absolutely nothing in between. This is one of those deep playoff runs.

The 49ers finished 12-5, another strong season after last year ended in an injury-riddled debacle against the Eagles. This time, the 49ers enjoyed a first round bye but nearly became one-and-done against the Packers. Then they mounted a ferocious comeback against the Lions but only just narrowly escaped with the win. The 49ers have won after every fight went to the bitter end, and now they have another chance to end their brutal Lombardi Trophy drought.

How the 49ers can win the Super Bowl

The 49ers must breach the Chiefs O-line and stop Mahomes. Otherwise, the pass defense needs to stop the Chiefs wide receivers, Kelce above all. This time, though, the 49ers cannot rely on mounting more comebacks. Fall behind against the Chiefs and a miracle will be needed to win. Purdy, McCaffrey, and the entire 49ers offense needs to bring the best effort of their lives if they wish to end their team's decades-long Lombardi Trophy drought.

FINAL PREDICTION

It's not often we see a Super Bowl rematch, but when they happen, they are thrillers. The Chiefs want back-to-back Super Bowl wins, and the 49ers want to end their drought. Prepare for a firefight - Mahomes and Purdy will see to that. It will come down to the bitter end.

And the Chiefs will be the only one left standing.

Chiefs win, 35-31

2023-24 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 3 - Championship)

Welcome to part 3 of my 2023-24 NFL playoff predictions! Three for four on my Divisional picks, same as last year. And now, let's get into the Championship predictions.

Only four remain, and there are now four possible Super Bowl LVIII match-ups:

Baltimore Ravens vs. San Francisco 49ers

Baltimore Ravens vs. Detroit Lions

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco 49ers

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Detroit Lions

But which two teams will face off in Las Vegas?

Let's find out.

AFC

#1 Baltimore Ravens vs. #3 Kansas City Chiefs

Two unstoppable juggernauts are about to collide with enough destructive power to level the Eastern Seaboard.

On the one side, you have the powerhouse Baltimore Ravens, a team that finally won a Divisional game and conquered its fear of the AFC Championship for the first time in a decade. All the Divisional games were fights to the bitter end, save one: the Ravens against the Texans. The Ravens showed no mercy to the Texans and won by three scores, a blowout on any day. Between their defense with more strength than the Hoover Dam and a rushing attack with more ferocity than a cavalry charge, the Ravens look nearly unstoppable.

Nearly.

Only one team could possibly hope to stop this cannonball on fire: the Kansas City Chiefs. The one-two lethal attack of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce is like an ICBM - once launched, unstoppable. Even the running game has become a viable plan of attack for the Chiefs. They will need every conceivable weapon firing at maximum to overcome the most dangerous threat they have encountered in years. Mahomes can get it done, but can he get it done against a team like this?

Prediction: Ravens win, 38-28.

Result: Chiefs win, 17-10.

Comments after the game:

The Ravens strategy of playing like those blunder segments in infomercials did not work out well.

~

NFC

#1 San Francisco 49ers vs. #3 Detroit Lions

The titan and the dark horse meet at last.

The 49ers are once again back in the NFC Championship for the seventh time since the 2011 season. Their powerhouse roster hungers for the Lombardi Trophy, a prize the 49ers have not won in nearly thirty years. All those recent deep playoff runs and nothing to show for it. Sometime, somehow, this drought must end. Perhaps. Fresh off a narrow victory over the upstart Green Bay Packers, the 49ers need a decisive win if they wish to stand against the powerhouses of the AFC. A healthy squad is essential for a 49ers victory - but Deebo Samuel's injury looms above them. Another injury to Purdy or McCaffrey would dash any hopes of victory. 

But perhaps their most dangerous threat is not the injury bug, but the dark horse charging into Santa Clara: the Detroit Lions. The Lions haven't tasted success like this in thirty years, and thrilling victories over the Los Angeles Rams and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have only left them hungering for more. Jared Goff, once the unfortunate losing quarterback of the most insomnia-curing Super Bowl in history, now leads an exciting team that seeks to defy all odds and stamp a ticket to Las Vegas.

Every game the Lions have played has been a thriller to the bitter end, and even the 49ers had to fight to the last minute against the Packers. Why should this game be any different? Purdy against Goff, McCaffrey against Gibbs, they will fight in an NFC Championship for the ages.

And the result? Shocking.

Prediction: Lions win, 34-31.

Result: 49ers win, 34-31.

Comments after the game:

You had every chance, Lions. And what did you do instead?

2023-24 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 2 - Divisional)

Welcome to part 2 of my 2023-24 NFL playoff predictions! Four for six on my Wild Card predictions. Not bad.

Let's roll.

AFC

#1 Baltimore Ravens vs. #4 Houston Texans

The Baltimore Ravens have one objective: destroy everything in their path en route to the Super Bowl. The Ravens have bowled through nearly all opposition this season, and when they did lose, the margin of defeat was never more than one score. Above all, the Ravens defense strikes fear into the hearts of all offenses, sacking quarterbacks and forcing turnovers without mercy. All that said, there is one glaring problem with the Ravens: their frustrating habit of imploding in the postseason. Their impressive 14-2 run in 2019 ended with darkness there, and nothing more.

Enter the Houston Texans. Fresh off their stunning and methodical demolition of the Cleveland Browns, CJ Stroud and the Texans seek to overcome their own postseason nemesis: the Divisional round. Much as the Cowboys have spent years failing to get past the Divisional round, the Texans have never won a Divisional playoff game. 

It's a matter of who will be the first to slay their own playoff demons.

Prediction: Ravens win, 28-14.

Result: Ravens win, 34-10.

Comments after the game:

The Texans had no answer for either the Ravens ironclad defense or the monster truck that is the Ravens ground attack. Quoth the Raven...

*** 

#2 Buffalo Bills vs. #3 Kansas City Chiefs

Behold, the most anticipated game of the playoffs so far. The Bills are eager for revenge, while the Chiefs are hoping to defeat the Bills for the third time in the 2020s. There is, however, one major twist: Patrick Mahomes faces unfamiliar territory as he must now play his first ever road playoff game (Super Bowls are considered neutral sites). The roar of Arrowhead will not be there to help him. Instead, Mahomes must face the roaring, vengeful crowds of Buffalo. If Mahomes has an AT-AT on hand, it might help navigate the endless blizzards Buffalo seems to experiencing this winter.

Home field and home blizzard advantage may be the factors Josh Allen and the Bills need to finally defeat Mahomes and the Chiefs. It won't be easy, though. The Bills have one path to revenge, and there is no room for errors or turnovers. Prepare for a war in the snow.

Prediction: Bills win, 35-34.

Result: Chiefs win, 27-24.

Comments after the game:

The most horrifying words for any Bills fan:

WIDE RIGHT

~

NFC

#1 San Francisco 49ers vs. #7 Green Bay Packers 

The Packers defied all odds and humiliated, demolished, and annihilated the Dallas Cowboys last weekend. Their reward? A trip to California to visit their most hated playoff rival, the San Francisco 49ers. The Packers have lost every playoff matchup against the 49ers since the 2001 season. Aaron Rodgers never had any luck against the 49ers, but what about Jordan Love? The Packers never faced the 49ers in the regular season, so there's no telling how Jordan Love will respond to the fearsome juggernaut of the NFC West.

On the other side, the 49ers are the clear favorites to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, but their health is their worst enemy. Lest we forget last year's NFC Championship, when the 49ers roster became an infirmary and destroyed any hopes of a Super Bowl appearance. This time, however, the 49ers are healthy. Even an energized Packers team is unlikely to overcome a powerhouse with the likes of Purdy and McCaffrey in good health.

Prediction: 49ers win, 35-21.

Result: 49ers win, 24-21.

Comments after the game:

We have stunning live footage of the most hated food in Green Bay, Wisconsin:

Two costly interceptions and a brutal missed field goal dashed hopes of another shocking Packers upset.  

In the playoffs, the Packers simply cannot solve the 49ers. Whether it's Rodgers or Love, the Packers can't breach the 49er brick wall.

*** 

#3 Detroit Lions vs. #4 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Lions-Rams thriller was easiest the best of all the Wild Card games - amid a sea of lopsided victories, the Lions needed every second to win a playoff game for the first time in decades. Jared Goff and the Lions offense delivered when it mattered, but the Lions defense bent a bit too much and allowed the Rams to keep pace until the bitter end. Still, the Lions defense prevented the Rams from scoring a single red zone touchdown, and that was how the Lions ultimately survived. 

The Buccaneers, meanwhile, are fresh from their coup de grâce against the hapless Philadelphia Eagles. Baker Mayfield and the Bucs delivered an excellent performance but against a team everyone knew was about to crash and burn. A win over the Lions would be a commanding statement, but the Lions have tasted victory and hunger for more.

Prediction: Lions win, 28-24.

Result: Lions win, 31-23.

Comments after the game:

Another week, another thriller, and another Lions playoff victory. The Lions are the real deal. Their toughest battle so far awaits them: a visit to Santa Clara to face the San Francisco 49ers for the NFC Championship.

 

2023-24 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 1 - Wild Card)

Happy New Year! As 2024 kicks off, it's time for my annual NFL playoff predictions. This post will focus on the Wild Card games. Future posts will predict the outcomes of the Divisional and Championship games, and eventually the Super Bowl.

Let's roll.

First round byes

#1 Baltimore Ravens

#1 San Francisco 49ers

AFC

#2 Buffalo Bills vs #7 Pittsburgh Steelers

For the first twelve weeks of the season, the Bills were in freefall, a far cry from their dominant regular season last year. It seemed as if the Super Bowl window had truly slammed shut. One bye week later, the Bills went on a five game winning streak and once again solidfied their place atop the AFC East. Josh Allen just needs to watch the turnovers. No room for mistakes like that in the playoffs.

As for the Steelers? They made the playoffs after a late surge, but at what cost? TJ Watt is out injured, and that alone brings the entire Steelers defense into question.

Like sand through the hourglass, the Bills will deliver unto us the Days of Our Steelers.

Prediction: Bills win, 42-14.

Result: Bills win, 31-17.

Comments after the game:

 

TONIGHT, ON DAYS OF OUR STEELERS

YINZERS SEEK THE NEAREST LIQUOR AS STEELERS AIN'T GAHNTA SUPAH BOWL

***

#3 Kansas City Chiefs vs #6 Miami Dolphins

The Chiefs seek to defend their Super Bowl title and will begin their playoff journey by sharing with the Dolphins the misfortune of playing in Canadian weather, eh? Maybe Patrick Mahomes will make a snowman or two – they could still catch better than some of his wide receivers.

Anyway, the Chiefs enter these playoffs with hopes of going to back-to-back Super Bowls for the second time since Super Bowls LIV and LV. The team remains a potent force, though since the bye week they have been 4-4, with three losses at Arrowhead Stadium. Mahomes is the key to all this, but his wide receivers need to avoid the dreaded butterfingers. Dropping crucial passes would be the fastest way to a shocking one-and-done.

The Dolphins, meanwhile, are all over the place. This is a team that unleashed seventy points on the Broncos but then coughed up forty-eight points and fifty-six points to the Bills and Ravens, respectively. Which version of the Dolphins will we receive on Wild Card weekend? The high-octane powerhouse capable of threatening long-standing NFL records, or the impotent failure that collapses under a gentle breeze? Judging by the injury list, it bodes ill for the Dolphins...

Prediction: Chiefs win, 28-20.

Result: Chiefs win, 27-7.

Comments after the game:

Dolphins do not thrive in Canadian weather, as expected.

***

#4 Houston Texans vs #5 Cleveland Browns

This will be the story of two standout quarterbacks – the Texans rookie and the Browns veteran. CJ Stroud and Joe Flacco.

The turnaround has been remarkable for the Texans, who went from an appalling 3-13-1 last season to a solid 10-7 and a division title this season. Their division title was won in part thanks to the implosion of the Jaguars. The Texans have a good record, but it is not world-shattering. Their performance has been on and off all season, and they have the dubious misfortune of being one of two teams to lose to the abysmal Carolina Panthers. Expectations are not high for the Texans, but the playoffs are the best time for chaos and plot twists.

As for the Browns? Week 13 was their pivotal moment. Joe Flacco, the man who led the Ravens to their second Super Bowl victory, now embarks on a redemption arc for the ages. The Browns have never made it to a Super Bowl – a Browns Super Bowl run would be the stuff of legends. Such a run would take the sting out of the appalling Watson contract. The Browns will regret that contract for years to come.

In this battle of rookie vs veteran, the veteran will prevail.

Prediction: Browns win, 21-17.

Result: Texans win, 45-14.

Comments after the game:

The stunning live footage above is a recap of the Cleveland Browns today. What a disaster! The Browns held their own for most of the first half but fell swiftly off the rails and disintegrated in such spectacular fashion that even Wile E. Coyote would be shocked. The two pick sixes (HOT POCKETS!) in the third quarter marked the brutal end of the Joe Flacco redemption arc. A truly lost season for the Browns. That Watson contract will follow them for years to come.

As for the Texans, the rookie Stroud emerges victorious and leads his team to the Divisional round!

~

NFC

#2 Dallas Cowboys vs #7 Green Bay Packers

The Dallas Cowboys are the Toronto Maple Leafs of the NFL. Glorious victories from decades past, nothing but eternal misery in the years following. And just as the Leafs struggled for years to escape the first round, the Cowboys simply cannot get past the second round. Fortunately, the Cowboys are in the Wild Card round, and they’ve had plenty more luck in this round. Even better for them, they are a perfect 8-0 at home this season, the only team to accomplish such a feat.

For the post-Aaron Rodgers Green Bay Packers, this season has been quite mixed. They managed to string together a couple of three game winning streaks, but otherwise have struggled to maintain consistency through the season. A road game against the best home team this season is unlikely to bring any good fortune to the cheeseheads.

Prediction: Cowboys win, 41-14.

Result: Packers win, 48-32.

Comments after the game:

We turn now to stunning highlight footage of the Packers offense against the Cowboys defense:

Even the Browns don't feel so bad after witnessing that calamity in Arlington. A complete debacle for the Cowboys. Perfect home record? High expectations? All for nothing. Perhaps one of the most embarrassing NFL playoff defeats ever, up there with 43-8, 28-3, you name it. 

Even the Leafs with their endless playoff misery could never hope to match the horror unleashed upon the Cowboys today.

The Packers advance to the Divisional against their mortal playoff enemies: the San Francisco 49ers.

***

#3 Detroit Lions vs #6 Los Angeles Rams

“The Detroit Lions have won the division” is a sentence that has not been uttered in thirty years. Indeed, the Lions haven’t even won a playoff game since 1992. This is a Lions team that hungers for victory, but the path to that coveted Lombardi Trophy won’t be easy.

First, the Lions must face the dark horse of the NFC West – the Los Angeles Rams. The Rams haven’t drawn a whole lot of attention this season compared to other teams, but they’ve turned things around after a terrible 3-6 start. The Rams won seven of their last eight to secure a spot in the playoffs.

This will be a battle of who truly won the Stafford-Goff trade. It’s a matter of who wants it more.

Prediction: Lions win, 27-24.

Result: Lions win, 24-23.

Comments after the game:

A thriller for the history books. The Detroit Lions have won a playoff game for the first time since the 1991 season! It was a battle to the bitter end, with Stafford and Goff playing the games of their lives. But when the Rams entered the red zone, the Lions had a simple response:

The Rams settled for field goals when they needed touchdowns. And that is how the Lions advanced to the Divisional round for the first time in decades. Just think, when the Lions last won a playoff game, Windows 95 didn't exist, George H. W. Bush was President, and the Soviet Union had just collapsed. It's a been a long wait, but finally the Lions have achieved a playoff victory! 

***

#4 Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs #5 Philadelphia Eagles

What in the holy hell has happened to the Philadelphia Eagles? A year ago, the Eagles were flying high - an absolute powerhouse that bowled the NFC en route to a Super Bowl appearance.

A year later, the Eagles began the season like an armored train, continuing their powerhouse style with a dominant 10-1 record. The Eagles swiftly followed up their 10-1 record by losing five of their final six games. The armored train jumped the tracks and collided with a train carrying a dozen natural gas tanks, triggering an explosion so powerful and so fiery it warmed the hearts of every Yinzer.

Something in that overtime thriller against the Bills unleashed endless torment for the Eagles. Five of their final six games ended in losses, including two brutal lopsided losses to the 49ers and Cowboys. Starting strong and ending with an implosion. In an instant, the Yinzers feel a terrible sense of déjà vu from 2020.

The Buccaneers aren't that much more impressive, either. They are merely the sole survivors of the eternal turdnado that is the NFC South. Worse, through until the end of November, the Bucs were a dismal 4-7 – hardly a playoff contender, and nowhere near the discussions for Super Bowl contention. Fortunately, with a few key wins over their division rivals, the Bucs sail into the playoffs. The Bucs may well dodge the iceberg for now, but they can still see it looming in the night.

Prediction: Buccaneers win, 30-20.

Result: Buccaneers win, 32-9.

Comments after the game:

Just look at that stunning highlight footage of the Eagles! Complete disaster from start to finish. From 10-1 to one and done. An appalling collapse of a hugely promising season. Super Bowl contenders in no universe. 

The Buccaneers advance to the Divisional round to face the Lions!

2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 4 - Super Bowl)

Finally, only two remain on the battlefield. This is it. The final battle. The grand finale. The duel of the fates.

The Super Bowl.

It will be a thrilling battle for the ages, but first, let us look back at those who fell on the battlefield, those who fell in their quest for the Lombardi Trophy.

---

Seattle Seahawks

LOST Wild Card vs. 49ers, 23-41

No one expected the Seahawks to be here. After Russell Wilson was traded away to bring undercooked food to Denver, pundit predictions regularly placed the Seahawks near the bottom of the league. The captains of Tank Bowl?

Well, in the immortal words of Geno Smith: "They wrote me off, I ain't write back though".

Courtesy of the Wilson trade, the Seahawks have a high draft pick and a hopeful future. This Wild Card loss was not ideal, but still exceeded their season's minimal expectations.

---

Los Angeles Chargers

LOST Wild Card vs. Jaguars, 30-31

The Atlanta Falcons have never heard the end of 28-3, and now the Chargers will never hear the end of 27-0. You had the Jaguars on the ropes, made Trevor Lawrence look like a disaster, and what did you do with your commanding lead? Squander it all away in the most Chargers way possible and watch your playoff hopes sink into a Florida swamp.

---

Miami Dolphins

LOST Wild Card vs. Bills, 31-34

This was supposed to be a bloodbath at the Dolphins expense, but the Dolphins refused to go out without a fight. Still, even with Josh Allen's mistakes, the Dolphins couldn't quite finish the job. Quarterback injuries and never-ending concussions to Tua Tagovailoa saw to that. The Dolphins need stability at the quarterback position if they hope to make a deep playoff run next season.

---

Minnesota Vikings

LOST Wild Card vs. Giants, 24-31

Worst thirteen win team in the history of the NFL. How do you get thirteen wins and finish with a negative point differential? Win narrowly or get completely blown out. Such was the story for the Vikings this season, and it came back to torment them in this game. The Giants emerged as a fierce opponent and would accept no talk of another Minneapolis Miracle. But no, the worst part of this season for the Vikings was the end of it. Need eight yards to stay alive? No problem, Kirk Cousins will throw a short slant pass...for three yards. Minneapolis Miracle? Minneapolis Mushroom Cloud, more like.

---

Baltimore Ravens

LOST Wild Card vs. Bengals, 17-24

Is this why the Seahawks didn't run it on the goal line in XLIX? The Ravens did it this year and promptly fumbled it away for a record-setting Bengals return and touchdown. 

Quoth the Raven...

"EAT MY SHORTS"

---

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

LOST Wild Card vs. Cowboys, 14-31.

Tom Brady can only wield so much dark magic. The defense has always been a crucial factor for Brady and it clearly failed this year, even more so than last year's late debacle against the Rams. We've likely seen the last of The Tom Brady Show. Do not believe the retirement talk until he is truly unable to throw a football.

---

Jacksonville Jaguars

WON Wild Card vs. Chargers, 31-30

LOST Divisional vs. Chiefs, 20-27

Throwing turnovers against the Chargers was bad enough. Throwing turnovers against Mahomes and the Chiefs? That's a good recipe for disaster.

---

New York Giants

WON Wild Card vs. Vikings, 31-24

LOST Divisional vs. Eagles, 7-38

Surprise? Not particularly. The Giants defeated a hapless Vikings team, but were no match for the absolute buzzsaw of the Eagles. The Eagles were Phil Swift, and the Giants the boat. Now that's a lotta damage!

---

Buffalo Bills

WON Wild Card vs. Dolphins, 34-31

LOST Divisional vs. Bengals, 10-27

That the Bills did not annihilate the Dolphins should have been an immediate red flag. If the Super Bowl favorite of the AFC could barely scrape by against a seventh seed, what chance did they stand against an upstart Bengals team? None. None at all. Joe Burrow marched in during a Buffalo snowstorm and coldly destroyed the Bills. This year was possibly the best shot at a Super Bowl title for the Bills, and they had all the motivation for it too after Damar Hamlin. Instead, it will simply be chalked up as yet another disappointment. If not Patrick Mahomes, then Joe Burrow. An ever growing list of obstacles standing between Buffalo and the Lombardi Trophy.

---

Dallas Cowboys

WON Wild Card vs. Buccaneers, 31-14

LOST Divisional vs. 49ers, 12-19

What, are the Cowboys turning into the Green Bay Packers of Texas? Can't defeat the 49ers in the playoffs? It's bad enough this team is allergic to victory when the 49ers drop by, but even worse is that they can't even advance to the NFC Championship anymore. One way or another, the Cowboys consistently set their expectations high only to have them mercilessly shot down. A shame, too. Had the Cowboys won this battle, it would have set up the Armageddon of Eagles vs. Cowboys in the NFC Championship. Oh, what could have been...

---

San Francisco 49ers

WON Wild Card vs. Seahawks, 41-23

WON Divisional vs. Cowboys, 19-12

LOST Championship vs. Eagles, 7-31

What a horrific end to an incredible season. The 49ers story was enthralling: plagued by injuries to their top two quarterbacks, the 49ers third string quarterback was a gold mine named Brock Purdy who led the 49ers to a huge and months-long winning streak that solidified their place as a Super Bowl favorite. And then the injuries struck. Again. Purdy and Josh Johnson both fell with injuries and rendered the 49ers offense powerless even with the likes of Christian McCaffrey. Worse, the 49ers took penalty after penalty and became easy prey for the Eagles. Even the 49ers defense, ranked #1 in the league, was torn to pieces by a ferocious Eagles offense. The brawl towards the end of the game was the cherry on top of the 49ers trainwreck.

---

Cincinnati Bengals

WON Wild Card vs. Ravens, 24-17

WON Divisional vs. Bills, 27-10

LOST Championship vs. Chiefs, 20-23

The refball was questionable (not quite Rams-Saints bad) but the Bengals did plenty to destroy their own hopes of back-to-back Super Bowl appearances. Burrow lobbing costly turnovers and a ravaged O-line held together by duct tape and Swiss cheese does not a Super Bowl contender make. All in all, it's just another way to scare the Arrowhead curse away.

***

And now, the grand finale. Super Bowl LVII. The final showdown in Glendale, Arizona is set:

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Philadelphia Eagles

The team with Kelce will win.

Both these teams have won Super Bowls in recent years, but only one will walk out of the Sonoran Desert with another Super Bowl ring.

How the Chiefs reached the Super Bowl

The Chiefs are no stranger to playoff football this time of year. This is their third appearance in recent years, but they would rather recall their glorious comeback victory in LIV over their embarrassing non-effort in LV. 

Even without Tyreek Hill, the Chiefs remain a strong and formidable force. The one-two punch of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce is a cannon capable of decimating any defense. Indeed, the Chiefs boast the league's highest scoring offense, scoring 496 points. Their potent offense and solid defense was good for the top seed in the AFC.

It was a tough but surmountable path for the Chiefs these playoffs. They tamed the Jaguars and then escaped the claws of the Bengals. As the Chiefs return to the Super Bowl, they now face their most dangerous opponent yet.

How the Chiefs can win the Super Bowl

Against an absolutely ruthless Philadelphia Eagles squad, the Chiefs need their one-two Mahomes-Kelce punch more than ever. If the Chiefs cannot stop the Eagles offense, then Mahomes must score touchdowns on all or most drives. Anything less — field goals included — and the Chiefs will look like helpless salmon to the circling Eagles. Survive a shootout and the Chiefs can win it.

Defensively, the Chiefs need to find a way to break through the Eagles O-line. No small feat, given the Eagles O-line is at maximum strength, unlike the Bengals O-line. But the Chiefs must find a way to break through. Without that pressure, the Chiefs will never be able to stop Hurts.

***

How the Eagles reached the Super Bowl

The Eagles are a fascinating case. Five years ago, they won the Super Bowl over Tom Brady and the Patriots. Two years ago, they were in the basement of the league, a hapless 4-11-1 and a shell of their former glory. Today, they are truly the final boss of the league. 

The Eagles soared to an 8-0 start before encountering some trouble later this season, especially around Christmas and the new year. The late season struggles led to some questions. Are the Eagles truly worthy of the #1 seed in the NFC? Are the Eagles doomed to another playoff disappointment? 

Jalen Hurts and the Eagles offense simply ignored such questions and promptly steamrolled their way to the Super Bowl. It began with a 38-7 demolition of the New York Giants, and continued with a 31-7 destruction of the San Francisco 49ers. The Eagles reduced the league's top defense to ashes. Any doubts about the Eagles were erased after the NFC Championship.

How the Eagles can win the Super Bowl

The Eagles have a huge arsenal of weapons to decimate the Chiefs defense. Jalen Hurts can attack from the air while the likes of Miles Sanders can bowl through opponents on the ground. The Eagles have a versatile offense and should be able to respond to any Chiefs threat. Above all, the Eagles offense just needs to avoid any poor mistakes or costly turnovers. Such blunders have a high cost in the biggest game of the year.

Defensively, the key to stopping the Chiefs is to breach their O-line. Neutralize Mahomes and the Chiefs will have traumatic flashbacks to Super Bowl LV.

FINAL PREDICTION

Victory can only be won through overwhelming firepower. Jalen Hurts on one side, Patrick Mahomes on the other. Both will ensure this game is a high-scoring war of attrition. The victor will be determined by which team will break first, and it will come down to the wire.

And the Eagles will soar across the sky.

Eagles win, 42-38

2022-23 NFL Playoff Predictions (Part 3 - Championship)

Welcome to part 3 of my 2022-23 NFL playoff predictions! Three for four on my Divisional picks, a major improvement after incorrectly predicting them all last year. And now, let's get into the Championship predictions.

Only four remain, and there are now four possible Super Bowl LVII match-ups: 

Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco 49ers

Kansas City Chiefs vs. Philadelphia Eagles

Cincinnati Bengals vs. San Francisco 49ers

Cincinnati Bengals vs. Philadelphia Eagles

But which match-up will it be?

Let's find out.

AFC

#1 Kansas City Chiefs vs. #3 Cincinnati Bengals

Rematch? Rematch.

Last year's AFC Championship match is now this year's AFC Championship match. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs are back once again, but this time they are the underdogs. An ankle injury sustained by Mahomes during the Chiefs and Jaguars game has ignited fears among the Chiefs. If Patrick Mahomes is not at 100%, can the Chiefs survive sixty minutes against a relentless Bengals team? Chad Henne drove for a touchdown against the Jaguars, but whether he could sustain an entire game if Mahomes were to exit is a major unknown. The Chiefs need their one-two punch of Mahomes and Kelce more than ever, because the Bengals are even more dangerous than last year.

Here's a Bengals team that has forgotten how to lose. Their last defeat? October 31 against the Browns. Since then, the Bengals have fought their way through everything thrown at them. And they have endured through the playoffs so far. First, they used a record-setting fumble to neutralize the Ravens. Next, they stormed in Buffalo during a snowstorm and crushed the hopes and dreams of all Bills. The battle in Buffalo was never in doubt. Joe Burrow led the team to a fast 14-0 start and never looked back.

The Bengals hunger for their first Super Bowl victory, and the Chiefs will not stop the quest.

Prediction: Bengals win, 28-24.

Result: Chiefs win, 23-20.

Comments after the game:

The quest was stopped.

NFC

#1 Philadelphia Eagles vs. #2 San Francisco 49ers

Behold, the titans of the NFC.

Two powerhouse teams finally meet in the pivotal battle to see who gets a ticket to the Super Bowl.

On one side, you have Jalen Hurts and the Eagles, who are fresh off the total annihilation of the New York Giants. The Eagles stepped on the gas and never looked back, touchdown after touchdown and easily earning a spot in the NFC Championship. Hurts is back up to full strength, and the air attack will be a major threat to the 49ers.

On the other side, you have the Bengals of the NFC: the San Francisco 49ers. The 49ers have not lost since October 23, when they were routed by the Chiefs. Brock Purdy is the savior for the 49ers, the hero who has helped them to non-stop victory. Defense has been the 49ers greatest strength this season, allowing a league-best of only 277 points in the regular season. Defense wins championships.

But can the 49ers offense outperform the even more relentless Eagles offense?

Prepare for war.

Prediction: Eagles win, 38-35.

Result: Eagles win, 31-7.

Comments after the game:

We prepared for war but instead received a lopsided and ugly bloodbath.

The 49ers traveled to Philadelphia and expected to ground the Eagles with their heroic quarterback and brick wall of a defense. Instead, the people of San Francisco discovered what Lincoln Financial Field really was: a 49ers infirmary.

All the 49ers momentum from three months of non-stop wins came to a thundering end today, and it all ended the moment Brock Purdy left the game early with an elbow injury. Josh Johnson entered, but he too left after suffering a concussion. Purdy returned but barely made any further passes. With the 49ers air attack immobilized, the running game was their only futile hope. All those wins, all that momentum, all that work, all destroyed with quarterback injuries.

But the 49ers were truly decimated by the penalty flag. The 49ers defense stood tall for much of the game, but many foolish and costly penalties on their part merely accelerated their descent into defeat. The frustration culminated in a brawl late in the fourth quarter that saw Trent Williams and K'Von Wallace disqualified from the game.

Kyle Shanahan didn't even a fourth quarter lead, and it still ended in disaster for his team. What a catastrophic ending for such a loaded 49ers squad.

The Eagles, meanwhile, advance to Super Bowl LVII!